Mommyhood: A tough & dirty job

I can now say that being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job ever.

To be honest, I never thought that I would hold that title.  I was pretty sure I'd have kids but, I never imagined being home with them all day.  At the moment, these are my circumstances...albeit, not by choice.  The timing of being pregnant, leaving my job and moving to a new city kind of forced me into this new role.  Now, I'm trying to jumpstart a career in freelance writing (hire me, I'm awesome).  In the meantime, I'm trying to master this new lifestyle / full-time job...which is waaay harder than I thought it would be.

Why is being a stay-at-home mom tough?

1.  It is a 24/7 job.  There is no break from being a mom...for any mom.  But when you are working, you are typically sending your child to a daycare provider and can enjoy adult interaction.  My entire day revolves around my kiddo's needs -- feedings, diapers, nap time, awake time, fussy time, etc.  The list goes on.  At this point, going to work would be considered a break and offer some freedom to the schedule I'm holding down at this point!

2.  It is a "dirty job."  I spend all day caring for a screaming, infant child covered in a strange mixture of regurgitate breast milk and baby poop.  Babies -- while absolutely freakin' adorable -- are totally gross.  I've already covered this topic, but it still needs to be included in this list. Hey, Mike Rowe -- add this one to your show.

3.  It doesn't pay the bills.  The country's average daycare costs run from $350 to $1,000 a month.  That's a nice chunk of change!  The average stay-at-home mom makes $0.  Enough said there.

4.  There is little adult interaction.  These days, the only real adult interaction I have is with my hubby.  And while he is fantastic and I love him very much...I forget what it is like to talk to other adults.  In a way, I've become an unsocialized, wild animal.  Do people really talk about things other than their baby?  I don't know.  I forget what I used to talk about before I gave birth. Can someone please remind me?

5.  People think you do nothing all day.  People assume I've become a cliche -- I sit on my big, fat ass, eating bon-bons, watching daytime TV.  And, while I do enjoy watching daytime talk shows (huge fan of Maury)...I am certainly not bored.  As a first-time mommy, this baby keeps me on my toes.  I have no idea what to expect from one minute to the next.  And since I'm home all day, I take care of everything -- making sure bills get paid on time, grocery shopping, cooking meals, cleaning, doctor's appointments, laundry, etc.  This shit is not fun or easy...believe me.

Despite this list -- which can be construed as complaining, and to an extent it is a little bit -- a tiny part of my truly enjoys spending time with my little baby.  She will only be this little once and she seems to double in size and weight every day.

Right now for me...it is about finding the right balance of work and adult interaction while mastering the very important art of mommyhood.

Things saving my life

This week, we are experiencing our second growth spurt at six weeks.  It is exciting to know that my baby is growing...but sad because it means she won't always be my little peanut.  It is also very exhausting because all she wants to do is eat, which means I have an infant attacking my boobs about 90% of the day.

A and Monkey Bink!

Some of this can be attributed to her increased need to suck.  So I spend lots of time playing the "binky game" where my daughter wants her pacifier but also wants to spit it out and cry.  Mom, I want my binky but I don't want you to sleep or get anything done.  Put the binky back in my mouth so I can spit it out and cry really loud.  One of the items that puts this game to rest is the WubbaNub -- one of the best presents I got at my baby shower.  It's your average binky...but with a small, soft stuffed animal attached.

A loves her WubbaNub...maybe more than she loves us right now.  It is the only bink she will take.  One morning during the last growth spurt, I thought I lost monkey bink...which was devastating for both of us.  I searched every nook and cranny of my house.  Luckily, monkey bink turned up in my bed...but I couldn't have a panic attack like that again.  Since none of the local baby stores in our area carry these lifesavers, I had my parents go to their local Buy Buy Baby and pick up two -- an elephant and a giraffe.  Grandpa even drove three and half hours to personally deliver them.  Who ever invented this is clearly a genius -- probably a rich one at that!

It may be a small thing...but it is definitely saving my life -- and my husband's life -- this week.

Why babies are gross

Don't get me wrong...my daughter is the prettiest baby in all the universe.  That statement is a fact.  She has gorgeous blue eyes and the most beautiful smile.  She looks like a baby model in everything I dress her in.  Despite her appearance and how much I absolutely adore and love her...I've decided that all babies are gross.

Harsh?  Yes.  But, very true.  Think about it.

1. Babies poop their pants.  Literally...they poop their pants.  My daughter never cries when her diaper is dirty, she lets us guess via the foul odor coming from her diaper.  I am starting to believe she prefers soiled diapers to clean ones.  And sometimes, poop gets on their clothes.  Or all over you.  Eau de baby poop is not a fragrance I like to wear.
2. Babies eat like pigs.  Every time I nurse my daughter, it is like she hasn't been fed in three days...even though she eats every two hours.  Some days, she eats every hour on the hour.  Its like having a ravenous beast on your boob, which is painful.  It gets all over her face, her clothes and me.  If she doesn't have a bib on when we bottle feed her, we have to change her outfit because its soaked.   
3. Babies never make it to the toilet when they puke.  I've given Annabelle formula on three occasions.  On two of them, she vomited like Linda Blair in The Exorcist all over herself and me without warning.  Not cool and very scary. 
4. Babies have no manners.  Despite her tiny size, my daughter passes gas like a 40 year old man.  Large and loud farts.  Its gross and impressive.  But, she never excuses herself.  What gives? 

My list is short...only because I've only been a mother for five weeks.  We've only left the house with the baby four times.  So I'm sure as Annabelle gets older and we get more experience, this list will only continue to grow.  

A check list unchecked

My first day solo was Monday.  I have accomplished nothing since than...and that's putting it lightly.  I remember when I used accomplish something.  Apparently, those days are behind me.

On the left, is me...bright eyed and bushy tailed, fully equipped to take on the day with baby in Boba Wrap.  I was going to start A's baby book, clean the bathroom, do laundry...and, I got none of the above done.  I did get a short, but much needed nap.  That counts for something, right?

So lesson one post-baby?  Don't expect to get anything done.  Not a thing.  It is not possible.  I stressed about my lack of accomplishments this week and its finally hit me -- I don't need to accomplish jackshit.  My whole purpose for these next few weeks is to take care of baby, me and learn / adjust to mommy mode.  Everything else will be there when I return to a somewhat "normal" life.  Or my hubs will take care of it.