Mommyhood: A tough & dirty job

I can now say that being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job ever.

To be honest, I never thought that I would hold that title.  I was pretty sure I'd have kids but, I never imagined being home with them all day.  At the moment, these are my circumstances...albeit, not by choice.  The timing of being pregnant, leaving my job and moving to a new city kind of forced me into this new role.  Now, I'm trying to jumpstart a career in freelance writing (hire me, I'm awesome).  In the meantime, I'm trying to master this new lifestyle / full-time job...which is waaay harder than I thought it would be.

Why is being a stay-at-home mom tough?

1.  It is a 24/7 job.  There is no break from being a mom...for any mom.  But when you are working, you are typically sending your child to a daycare provider and can enjoy adult interaction.  My entire day revolves around my kiddo's needs -- feedings, diapers, nap time, awake time, fussy time, etc.  The list goes on.  At this point, going to work would be considered a break and offer some freedom to the schedule I'm holding down at this point!

2.  It is a "dirty job."  I spend all day caring for a screaming, infant child covered in a strange mixture of regurgitate breast milk and baby poop.  Babies -- while absolutely freakin' adorable -- are totally gross.  I've already covered this topic, but it still needs to be included in this list. Hey, Mike Rowe -- add this one to your show.

3.  It doesn't pay the bills.  The country's average daycare costs run from $350 to $1,000 a month.  That's a nice chunk of change!  The average stay-at-home mom makes $0.  Enough said there.

4.  There is little adult interaction.  These days, the only real adult interaction I have is with my hubby.  And while he is fantastic and I love him very much...I forget what it is like to talk to other adults.  In a way, I've become an unsocialized, wild animal.  Do people really talk about things other than their baby?  I don't know.  I forget what I used to talk about before I gave birth. Can someone please remind me?

5.  People think you do nothing all day.  People assume I've become a cliche -- I sit on my big, fat ass, eating bon-bons, watching daytime TV.  And, while I do enjoy watching daytime talk shows (huge fan of Maury)...I am certainly not bored.  As a first-time mommy, this baby keeps me on my toes.  I have no idea what to expect from one minute to the next.  And since I'm home all day, I take care of everything -- making sure bills get paid on time, grocery shopping, cooking meals, cleaning, doctor's appointments, laundry, etc.  This shit is not fun or easy...believe me.

Despite this list -- which can be construed as complaining, and to an extent it is a little bit -- a tiny part of my truly enjoys spending time with my little baby.  She will only be this little once and she seems to double in size and weight every day.

Right now for me...it is about finding the right balance of work and adult interaction while mastering the very important art of mommyhood.

Breastfeeding is hard shit

It is the question that ever pregnant woman is asked...over and over and over again.

Are you going to nurse or use formula?

My plan was always to breastfeed.  During my pregnancy, I was bombarded constantly with breast is best and it is good for baby and good for mommy.  It just made sense to me.  Why else would God put two spigots on your front side?  It is constantly talked up.  Plus, formula is expensive...and having a baby (and new house) puts you on a budget.  

But what every one fails to tell you is how f*#$ing hard it is.  

Seriously...why didn't anyone share that information with me?  Breastfeeding is some really hard shit.  And despite all of the advice -- which comes with the best of intentions -- it is one of those things you have to figure out for yourself.  Does baby prefer the football hold or cradle hold?  Is it easier to lie on your side and nurse?  You just don't know until baby gets here.

And once you think you have it mastered...you hit a huge bump in the road.  At the start of Week 5, A was nursing like a total champ.  She was eating roughly every three hours and latching with no problems.  The next night was total chaos.  I couldn't get her to latch.  Poor baby would cry herself out until she passed out.  And every time my husband made a suggestion I would mentally punch him in the head.  We finally got her to nurse with a nipple shield...but it took a while to get there.  It took roughly a week and a half to get back to "normal."

Breastfeeding is definitely in.  And it feels like there is almost a stigma if you use formula.  And before my experience with nursing, I couldn't understand why you would use formula.  But now I get it.  It is super hard, very time consuming and a ton of work.  I'm fortunate enough to be stay-at-home mom at the moment and can dedicate myself to this craft.  But if I had to go back to work in 6 or even 8 weeks, I'm not sure what I would do.  

The bottom line is...and should be...if baby is healthy and well-nourished, who care how they get fed?

Things saving my life

This week, we are experiencing our second growth spurt at six weeks.  It is exciting to know that my baby is growing...but sad because it means she won't always be my little peanut.  It is also very exhausting because all she wants to do is eat, which means I have an infant attacking my boobs about 90% of the day.

A and Monkey Bink!

Some of this can be attributed to her increased need to suck.  So I spend lots of time playing the "binky game" where my daughter wants her pacifier but also wants to spit it out and cry.  Mom, I want my binky but I don't want you to sleep or get anything done.  Put the binky back in my mouth so I can spit it out and cry really loud.  One of the items that puts this game to rest is the WubbaNub -- one of the best presents I got at my baby shower.  It's your average binky...but with a small, soft stuffed animal attached.

A loves her WubbaNub...maybe more than she loves us right now.  It is the only bink she will take.  One morning during the last growth spurt, I thought I lost monkey bink...which was devastating for both of us.  I searched every nook and cranny of my house.  Luckily, monkey bink turned up in my bed...but I couldn't have a panic attack like that again.  Since none of the local baby stores in our area carry these lifesavers, I had my parents go to their local Buy Buy Baby and pick up two -- an elephant and a giraffe.  Grandpa even drove three and half hours to personally deliver them.  Who ever invented this is clearly a genius -- probably a rich one at that!

It may be a small thing...but it is definitely saving my life -- and my husband's life -- this week.

Why babies are gross

Don't get me wrong...my daughter is the prettiest baby in all the universe.  That statement is a fact.  She has gorgeous blue eyes and the most beautiful smile.  She looks like a baby model in everything I dress her in.  Despite her appearance and how much I absolutely adore and love her...I've decided that all babies are gross.

Harsh?  Yes.  But, very true.  Think about it.

1. Babies poop their pants.  Literally...they poop their pants.  My daughter never cries when her diaper is dirty, she lets us guess via the foul odor coming from her diaper.  I am starting to believe she prefers soiled diapers to clean ones.  And sometimes, poop gets on their clothes.  Or all over you.  Eau de baby poop is not a fragrance I like to wear.
2. Babies eat like pigs.  Every time I nurse my daughter, it is like she hasn't been fed in three days...even though she eats every two hours.  Some days, she eats every hour on the hour.  Its like having a ravenous beast on your boob, which is painful.  It gets all over her face, her clothes and me.  If she doesn't have a bib on when we bottle feed her, we have to change her outfit because its soaked.   
3. Babies never make it to the toilet when they puke.  I've given Annabelle formula on three occasions.  On two of them, she vomited like Linda Blair in The Exorcist all over herself and me without warning.  Not cool and very scary. 
4. Babies have no manners.  Despite her tiny size, my daughter passes gas like a 40 year old man.  Large and loud farts.  Its gross and impressive.  But, she never excuses herself.  What gives? 

My list is short...only because I've only been a mother for five weeks.  We've only left the house with the baby four times.  So I'm sure as Annabelle gets older and we get more experience, this list will only continue to grow.  

A check list unchecked

My first day solo was Monday.  I have accomplished nothing since than...and that's putting it lightly.  I remember when I used accomplish something.  Apparently, those days are behind me.

On the left, is me...bright eyed and bushy tailed, fully equipped to take on the day with baby in Boba Wrap.  I was going to start A's baby book, clean the bathroom, do laundry...and, I got none of the above done.  I did get a short, but much needed nap.  That counts for something, right?

So lesson one post-baby?  Don't expect to get anything done.  Not a thing.  It is not possible.  I stressed about my lack of accomplishments this week and its finally hit me -- I don't need to accomplish jackshit.  My whole purpose for these next few weeks is to take care of baby, me and learn / adjust to mommy mode.  Everything else will be there when I return to a somewhat "normal" life.  Or my hubs will take care of it.

I did it!

It has been awhile since my last post.  And for good reason...

After my third trip to my OB in five days, I was sent to the hospital to finally bring baby girl into this crazy world. And after eight hours of labor -- which includes two straight hours of pushing -- she finally arrived.

Annabelle Margaret was born on January 15 at 10:32 PM.  She weighed on 7 lbs and 11 oz.  As you can see, she's pretty damn beautiful.  They even let us take her home.  It was the slowest car ride ever...seriously, in the history of cars.

At the moment, we've only experience a partial reality check with baby.  For the past two weeks, we've had family staying at the house to help.  So, I'm pretty sure all hell will break loose on Monday.  But, I'm sure it is all worth it.

Still pregnant

I guess that title is self-explanatory.

There is nothing worse than being 40 weeks pregnant...and I mean that in the most loving, motherly way possible.  Yes, giving life is a beautiful thing.  Yes, I can't wait to meet my little princess.  At the same time, I'd like to get out of bed in the morning without my husband's assistance.  I'd also like to just simply bend over and pick things off the floor.  Most importantly, I'd like my belly button to go back to an "inny."  Its just weird looking and, quite frankly, it looks like a butthole.  That is not attractive.

Waiting

Yesterday, the doctor told me it was "very favorable" that I would go this weekend.

So I'm just waiting for that prediction to come true.  And...still waiting.

What's your preoccupation?

Staying preoccupied is the name of the game.

Not going to lie.  My first thought this morning -- "What time is Maury on?" (Answer: Noon).  I used to watch it while working from my in laws' house in the frozen tundra that is currently Watertown.  But since we moved, I've been working out of our kitchen which has no television.  In an effort to remain useful, I deep scrubbed the bathroom and started washing the walls in the living room...so when my dad gets here after the arrival of baby girl, my husband and him can paint it.  Now that I'm finally sitting...all I can think about is, "When is this baby gonna make its entrance?  Soon...right?"

Here's a conversation I've had a lot lately with my husband.  By a lot...I mean nearly every morning during breakfast, again at lunch and three or four times each evening.

Me:  I'm pretty sure this baby is never going to come.
Hubs:  Do you understand how crazy that sounds?
Me:  I do. -pause- It sounds crazy, but I'm starting to believe that its actually true.  I'm pretty sure I'll just be 39 weeks pregnant for the rest of 2014.
Hubs: As long as you know that you sound crazy...

Day One

And so it begins...

Today is the first day of a whole new life.

1.  I officially have no work / job.  In July, my husband got a new job...something we've been hoping would happen for a long time.  We knew this would mean that I would be temporarily unemployed, but I was confident that I would find something.  When we moved in September, I continued to consult for my former employer until my contract ended yesterday.  I would look for a job but...

2.  I am 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  I'm not really in any position to take on a new job.  My focus needs to be on preparing for labor and being a mother.  I need to relax and enjoy the little time I have left to myself.  Which is really weird because...

3.  I've never been unemployed.  No, seriously...never.  I've had a job since I was able to get working papers in high school.  I've never willingly left a job without another one lined up.  I like my line of work and, most importantly, I like contributing to our family's bank account.

So...I'm documenting this whole transition.  Because if I know one thing about myself, it will be full of mishaps and misadventures -- much like every other aspect of my life.